WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
