Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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