apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
