so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
