I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
