You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
vagina is talking i cant
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
