That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
