the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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