I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize