Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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