If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
