Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
