gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
