I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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