When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I want to fling myself into the sun
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
