You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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