Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
