oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize