you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
