You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize