Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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