If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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