I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
