He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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