Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
