okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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