just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
