That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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