so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
