Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
