I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize