there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
