You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You were trust falling into bushes
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
