About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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