Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
