My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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