Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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