just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
