haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
