I could make wine with my vomit
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
