I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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