Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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