'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I had to cum in my sink.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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