Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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