You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
