She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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