you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize