I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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