you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
