I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize