drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The uberlube is also flammable
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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