He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
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