My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
