forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
