Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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