at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
