you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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