You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
