you traded sex for a burrito?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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