so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
When did angry sex become our thing?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
