so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
