On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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