Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize