So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize