if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize