apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize