His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
