hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
