I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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