Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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